There are many weird things about living in the year of our Lord 2026.
Some cars can drive themselves, AI can have actual conversations with you, and now, a deformed raccoon that someone saw in their neighborhood is getting a theme night at a Major League Baseball game.
That’s right, folks: Pack up the kids and head on out to the Seattle Mariners’ Jimothy Night!
A SQUIRREL INVADES MLB GAME, JUMPS INTO OUTFIELDERS GLOVE AND CAUSES CHAOS IN HILARIOUS SCENE
If you’re looking around for someone to explain to you who — or what — the hell a “Jimothy” is, allow me to do the honors.
Recently, a raccoon with some kind of genetic condition that gave it an unusually short torso has gone viral. Why? I really have no clue, but why does anything go viral? Why did kids think saying “6-7” was hilarious until very recently?
I will say the beautiful thing about Jimothy is that it’s a perfect way of showing how nature works. Obviously, Jimothy’s physical limitations don’t prevent him from living a normal raccoon life.
Because if it did, well, there’d be no Jimothy.
Whatever the reason is, he’s very popular, and when something is popular, people jump on the bandwagon. The Mariners are doing that by dishing out Jimothy rookie cards to the first 20,000 fans who show up to their Aug. 5 game against the Detroit Tigers.
There, they will also have the chance to grab a Jimothy T-shirt.
This is wild.
I mean, minor league teams are famous for this kind of goofy stuff, but in “The Show,” it always seemed like they tried to play it straight until recently.
Imagine explaining this to someone from about 20 years ago? They’d be like, “Wait, this is just a goofy raccoon that someone took a video of, and people are going nuts for it?”
Then you’d go, “Yeah, that’s right.”
Then they’d say, “Weird… Hey, did you ever see the ‘Star Wars kid?'” Because that would be a popular video from their time.
You’d say you have, and you’d shatter their brain into a million pieces by pulling it up on your smartphone so you two can share a quick laugh.
