{"id":137508,"date":"2026-07-01T05:59:59","date_gmt":"2026-07-01T09:59:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/lets-all-agree-that-dolphins-are-the-smart-kids-who-dont-apply-themselves-of-the-animal-kingdom-137508"},"modified":"2026-07-01T05:59:59","modified_gmt":"2026-07-01T09:59:59","slug":"lets-all-agree-that-dolphins-are-the-smart-kids-who-dont-apply-themselves-of-the-animal-kingdom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/lets-all-agree-that-dolphins-are-the-smart-kids-who-dont-apply-themselves-of-the-animal-kingdom-137508","title":{"rendered":"Let’s all agree that dolphins are the ‘smart kids who don’t apply themselves’ of the Animal Kingdom"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

It\u2019s Wednesday, which means it\u2019s time to get what\u2019s been eating at you off your chest in another edition of The Gripe Report<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Now that it\u2019s summer, more and more people will be going outside\u2026 unless, of course, it\u2019s dangerously hot like it has been in parts of the country, in which case, maybe stay inside.<\/p>\n

And when you\u2019re outside, your chances of encountering wild animals<\/a> go up exponentially.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always been fascinated by the animal kingdom, but it\u2019s a part of the natural world that is far from gripe-proof.<\/p>\n

So, I decided to put together a few animal-related gripes so we could give some of the most frustrating fauna its due.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got no problem with dolphins. I swam with them once, and they were cool to me.<\/p>\n

One even pulled me around a lagoon like a Jet Ski with a blowhole.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m just tired of everyone telling me how smart dolphins are when obvious things are holding them back from realizing their full potential.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s all I\u2019m saying.<\/p>\n

BOY STUMBLES ON STRANGE BEACH OBJECT IDENTIFIED AS RARE 1.8M-YEAR-OLD FOSSIL<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

The first thing I always point out when someone tells me what eggheads dolphins are is what smart animal would breathe air and decide, “Yeah, I\u2019m going to post up in the water for my entire life.”<\/p>\n

My French bulldog isn\u2019t going to be writing any thesis papers, but he understands that you can\u2019t breathe in water.<\/p>\n

Also, while they\u2019ve shown they know how to smash crabs open with rocks, I feel like intelligence is only good if you can apply it, and it\u2019s hard to apply it without hands.<\/p>\n

That might be the thing holding dolphins back the most.<\/p>\n

So, I guess if we\u2019re talking water-dwelling mammals without hands, they\u2019re like Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Edison rolled into one\u2026 if they lived underwater and had no hands, of course.<\/p>\n

Just last week, I woke up to my wife on her hands and knees sweeping something by the front door.<\/p>\n

“Welp. They\u2019re back,” she said.<\/p>\n

“Aw, man; not poltergeists!” I said.<\/p>\n

“No, ants.”<\/p>\n

“Oh\u2026 that\u2019s bad too.”<\/p>\n

We live in the bright, sunny free state of Florida, and when we get into the summer months, it doesn\u2019t just become surface-of-the-sun hot; ants decide to saunter inside and cool off.<\/p>\n

In fact, just a couple of weeks earlier we had been remarking how well the guy we pay to make sure this very thing doesn\u2019t happen had done\u2026 then it became ant season yet again.<\/p>\n

I understand the humble ant\u2019s place in the ecosystem (although I\u2019m still unclear on the fire ant\u2019s place, unless it\u2019s to bite my feet while I take the dog out to pee, in which case, I get it). I just don\u2019t like that they want to come in my house.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not just anti-insect either. I\u2019m anti-any animal that wants to come in my house.<\/p>\n

There are few things I hate more than having to try to catch small lizards inside by hitting them off the ceiling with a broom and then trapping them under a Ziploc container.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, after filling a small crack near the front door and calling our exterminator, we haven\u2019t seen any ants\u2026 of course, I\u2019m sure they’re just plotting their next move as we speak.<\/p>\n

I think I\u2019ve mentioned it before, but for my entire life, I\u2019ve suffered from ornithophobia, or, to the layperson, the fear of birds<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s got feathers, a sharp beak, beady eyes, and creepy, spindly legs, then I steer well clear.<\/p>\n

But a subsection of birds I can\u2019t stand are the ones that can talk.<\/p>\n

First of all, it\u2019s creepy as hell. Maybe it wouldn\u2019t be if more animals had it in their bag of tricks, but my skin crawls whenever a parrot starts getting chatty.<\/p>\n

I also don\u2019t like that, despite this chattiness, these birds never offer anything insightful.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s nothing but talk of wanting crackers, saying its own name, and repeating swear words you taught it as a goof.<\/p>\n

While I\u2019m not big on these birds, I will say I\u2019m all in on gorillas who can<\/a> do sign language and dogs who communicate with an array of electronic buttons.<\/p>\n

Call it mammalian bias, but I\u2019m a big fan.<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s always important to be safe around animals, and that\u2019s why it drives me nuts that not only are we not getting clear messaging on what to do if you\u2019re attacked by a bear<\/a>, we\u2019re getting conflicting reports.<\/p>\n

If I were to get attacked by a shark<\/a> \u2014 let\u2019s just pretend I was surfing and caught a really nice wave that impressed all the women on the beach and also I have really great surfer hair and a ripped physique \u2014 I would know what to do. I would start punching it in the nose and gouging its eyes.<\/p>\n

That is the guidance on sharks\u2026 although, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s an animal on Earth that this approach wouldn\u2019t work on.<\/p>\n

But bears are different.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard that if you encounter one, you\u2019re supposed to get really small.<\/p>\n

However, I\u2019ve also heard that you\u2019re supposed to make yourself as big as possible.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t do both, so in the moment, you have to pick one and hope it\u2019s correct.<\/p>\n

The same goes for what to do about making noise. Some say you stay quiet; others say you make a ton of noise.<\/p>\n

Can we just decide once and for all if we should turn into church mice when we see bears or if we should put a Bluetooth speaker on full blast and play Slayer\u2019s “South of Heaven” as loud as possible and blast it in their bear ears?<\/p>\n

Maybe the real answer is you can do pretty much anything you want to avoid a bear attack, but then what were the people who got attacked and didn\u2019t live to talk about it doing? Pulling on its tail? Throwing sticks at it? Insulting its mother?<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

That\u2019s it for this week\u2019s edition of The Gripe Report!<\/p>\n

Be sure to send in your gripes for a future edition: matthew.reigle@outkick.com<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Source – https:\/\/www.foxnews.com\/outkick-culture\/dolphins-smart-kids-dont-apply-themselves-animal-kingdom <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Wednesday, which means it\u2019s time to get what\u2019s been eating at you off your chest in another edition of The Gripe Report. 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