{"id":134349,"date":"2026-06-03T05:57:59","date_gmt":"2026-06-03T09:57:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/hey-restaurants-do-us-all-a-huge-favor-and-stop-serving-your-food-on-planks-of-wood-134349"},"modified":"2026-06-03T05:57:59","modified_gmt":"2026-06-03T09:57:59","slug":"hey-restaurants-do-us-all-a-huge-favor-and-stop-serving-your-food-on-planks-of-wood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/hey-restaurants-do-us-all-a-huge-favor-and-stop-serving-your-food-on-planks-of-wood-134349","title":{"rendered":"Hey, restaurants: do us all a huge favor and stop serving your food on planks of wood"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

It\u2019s Wednesday, which means it\u2019s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin\u2019 in an all-new edition of <\/i>The Gripe Report<\/i><\/a>.<\/p>\n

And this week, we\u2019re talking about one of my favorite topics: food.<\/p>\n

I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average cholesterol<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.<\/p>\n

However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while we\u2019ve touched on food in Gripe Reports past<\/a>, I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.<\/p>\n

If you didn\u2019t, you\u2019d die. You don\u2019t really get much of a choice in the matter.<\/p>\n

So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because we\u2019re about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.<\/p>\n

CLICK HERE FOR MORE OUTKICK CULTURE COVERAGE<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our Memorial Day<\/a> cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike.\u00a0<\/p>\n

We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, I\u2019m not sure I could tell the difference.<\/p>\n

But, recently, the folks at Bush\u2019s \u2014 they of talking dog commercial fame \u2014 uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be honest, apple pie<\/a> could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?<\/p>\n

I hate that this is a thing now.<\/p>\n

Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyone\u2019s like, “Whoa, that\u2019s f-\u2013ked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go viral<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Other than that, they just go away.<\/p>\n

Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and beer<\/a> that tastes like beer.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s my biggest problem with craft beer<\/a>. Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not going to lie, I\u2019ve got mixed feelings about brunch<\/a>.<\/p>\n

On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.<\/p>\n

Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?<\/p>\n

Well, brunch lets you find out.<\/p>\n

But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.<\/p>\n

For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and that\u2019s all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.<\/p>\n

No one cares. Literally no one cares.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophie\u2019s choice of having eggs or a burger.<\/p>\n

Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.<\/p>\n

I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (don\u2019t waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.<\/p>\n

Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.<\/p>\n

I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re in the market for avocados, there\u2019s at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.<\/p>\n

There are really only two scenarios: you\u2019ll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.<\/p>\n

There is no in-between.<\/p>\n

I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.<\/p>\n

On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in the fruit dish on the counter, and said, “Okay, tomorrow, you will be perfect and are going on a turkey club or in a salad or on toast. You will be consumed in some manner.”<\/p>\n

I go to bed, wake up, go downstairs, and that same avocado I was planning on eating is now some brown, rancid mess.<\/p>\n

I know no one likes genetically modified anything, but I think the genetics on avocados could maybe use some gussying up. Maybe fix that turns them to s–t while I\u2019m sleeping.<\/p>\n

My wife and I went to one of our favorite Mexican joints a couple nights ago.\u00a0<\/p>\n

One of the greatest things about being married that no one tells you about is counter-ordering. I asked my wife what she was ordering, and she said the birria tacos. This was great because that was one thing I wanted, but I also wanted the grouper tacos.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I love grouper. Those big ugly sumbitches are tasty.<\/p>\n

So, I knew I was getting both because my wife didn\u2019t finish hers.<\/p>\n

The only problem was her birria tacos were served on a plank, which we both hate.<\/p>\n

Why do restaurants<\/a> do this? It\u2019s always “hip” restaurants too, and this was one of those. Are they too cool for a plate?<\/p>\n

Usually these planks come with fries in a little metal cup and cost like $30 because it\u2019s a “craft burger.”<\/p>\n

I feel like this started with sandwiches and has now made its way south of the border. Sure, things you eat with your hands aren\u2019t a huge problem, but this plank included a little domed igloo of Mexican rice.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s so hard to eat anything like that off of a plank because they lack the raised edges that plates have, which aid in getting things on your fork and keeping debris from getting all over the table.<\/p>\n

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been served turkey clubs with shredded lettuce on planks, and when I\u2019m done, there\u2019s so much shredded lettuce on the table, it looks like I tried to cut it with a weed whacker.<\/p>\n

So, if you\u2019re ever in a restaurant and hear a loud groan, it\u2019s probably me, and whatever I ordered just arrived on a plank.<\/p>\n

\u2026<\/p>\n

That\u2019s it for this week\u2019s edition of The Gripe Report<\/i>!<\/p>\n

Be sure to send your gripes to matthew.reigle@outkick.com<\/u> for a future edition!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Source – https:\/\/www.foxnews.com\/outkick-culture\/hey-restaurants-us-huge-favor-stop-serving-food-planks-wood <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s Wednesday, which means it\u2019s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin\u2019 in an all-new edition of The Gripe Report. 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