{"id":128248,"date":"2026-04-18T09:00:50","date_gmt":"2026-04-18T13:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/the-nine-words-you-need-to-say-to-change-your-relationships-for-good-128248"},"modified":"2026-04-18T09:00:50","modified_gmt":"2026-04-18T13:00:50","slug":"the-nine-words-you-need-to-say-to-change-your-relationships-for-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cablemanpro.com\/wallstreetpr\/the-nine-words-you-need-to-say-to-change-your-relationships-for-good-128248","title":{"rendered":"The nine words you need to say to change your relationships for good"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

There is almost always a moment in a strained relationship that sounds like some version of this:<\/p>\n

“You are making this a bigger deal than it is.” “You\u2019re overreacting.” “Why are you making this a thing? Can\u2019t you get over it?”<\/p>\n

And underneath those words is something far deeper than the disagreement itself. It\u2019s the quiet dismissal and rupture that communicates, “What matters to you isn\u2019t important to me.”<\/p>\n

WELCOME TO THE DATING RECESSION: WHY YOUNG AMERICANS ARE GIVING UP ON LOVE<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

If you have experienced this, you know how painful and frustrating it can be to be misunderstood or minimized in a relationship.<\/p>\n

And if you have said these phrases to someone \u2014 as most of us have \u2014 you might argue that you didn\u2019t mean it the way it sounded. You were just trying to fix the situation and move past what created the disconnect. But when you do this, you miss something important and foundational:<\/p>\n

If it matters to you, it matters to me.<\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a sentence that sounds simple but isn\u2019t. In fact, it\u2019s one of the most challenging relational standards we can uphold, and one of the most transformational.<\/p>\n

But this statement requires us to do something most of us were never taught to do, which is to prioritize what others experience over what we intended.<\/p>\n

Stephen Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” popularized what many psychologists have long identified, which is a pattern where we judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. It causes us to say things like:<\/p>\n

“I didn\u2019t mean it like that.” “I was just trying to help.” “You should know that\u2019s not what I was saying.”<\/p>\n

While all of those may be true, what\u2019s also true is that they don\u2019t resolve the experience of the other person.<\/p>\n

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When you consider research by renowned psychiatrist Dan Siegel, a professor at UCLA School of Medicine, and others in interpersonal neurobiology and attachment<\/a>, there is a recurring pattern whereby relationships are shaped not by what we meant, but by what others experienced. As our brain scans for things like safety, connection, and attunement, it doesn\u2019t consider intention; rather, it asks if those things are present or missing.<\/p>\n

This means that many of our relationships are not defined by whether we meant well, but instead, by how well it landed.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the reality: If adopting the “If it matters to you, it matters to me” approach was easy, we\u2019d all be doing it, and all of our relationships would be thriving. But that isn\u2019t always the case. Not because we don\u2019t want relationships that flourish, but because adopting this posture challenges our sense of control.<\/p>\n

To adopt this mindset means to set aside your intentions and experiences and instead enter someone else\u2019s inner world. It also means that you don\u2019t choose if something matters to someone and instead recognize that it does. This is a profound gift, and one that some have never received for themselves. And that\u2019s uncomfortable territory for many of us.<\/p>\n

However, as author and strategist Robert Greene has noted in his writing, a great deal of power in human dynamics stems from understanding rather than manipulating or controlling the perceptions of others. In a relationship, when understanding is the priority, the person who can hear and respond to the other party\u2019s feelings and emotional reality then holds a much deeper kind of influence that is built upon trust.<\/p>\n

As a therapist, I have had a front-row seat to relationships that are in chaos, tumult, or ending. And in those moments, what forced the end of the relationship was not the whiplash from a singular event, but instead the weight of many interactions that slowly fractured the relationship and eroded connection.<\/p>\n

Over time, narratives and stories emerge that sound like:<\/p>\n

“I guess I don\u2019t matter to you.” “I don\u2019t think that you understand or see me.” “I\u2019m not being heard.”<\/i><\/p>\n

The cost of these sentiments adds up. Eventually, people who don\u2019t feel like they have a voice or matter in a relationship tend to protect and guard themselves instead of leaning in and getting vulnerable. And over time, those seemingly small ruptures add up to a chasm too large for the relationship to cross.<\/p>\n

Living out this practice doesn\u2019t mean that you must agree with everything or that you should abandon yourself. Instead, it\u2019s quite the opposite. It means starting with connection in mind rather than correction. This looks like acknowledging and offering compassion and grace before moving into your opinion or questioning someone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n

It looks like slowing down enough \u2014 and being present enough \u2014 to meet someone where they are before you tell them to meet you.<\/p>\n

CLICK HERE FOR MORE FOX NEWS OPINION<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

It looks like knowing your partner\u2019s communication type as well as your own. Once you understand how to communicate better, it\u2019s easier to be honest about what matters to you.<\/p>\n

Everyone longs to be seen, heard, and understood, but we all take a different path. Often, we fail to realize that disconnection isn\u2019t always personal; it\u2019s patterned.<\/p>\n

We lose each other along the way, not because we don\u2019t care, but because we don\u2019t see how differently we\u2019re wired.<\/p>\n

I was inspired to write “Discovering Your Communication Type<\/a>” because I saw over and over again with my clients that communication is not one-size-fits-all.<\/p>\n

We are all on a different path. But the good news is that there is a way forward with greater connection.<\/p>\n

When you say, “If it matters to you, it matters to me,” you aren\u2019t just improving a relationship, you are laying the foundation to better communication and deeper connection.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Source – https:\/\/www.foxnews.com\/opinion\/nine-words-need-say-change-relationships-good <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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